📌 Overstepping Mothers & Unwanted Home Makeovers
Dear Miss Edna,
My mother cannot step foot into my house without ‘fixing’ something. She rearranges my furniture, reorganizes my pantry, and last time, she even replaced my shower curtain because she ‘just couldn’t look at it anymore.’ My spouse is tired of me venting and says I need to either set boundaries with her or let him do it—which means it won’t be pretty. How do I get her to stop without turning Thanksgiving into a hostage situation?
— Hostage in My Own Home
Dear Hostage in Your Own Home,
Oh honey, you don’t have a mother—you have a one-woman home improvement show with no off button. And bless your heart, you’ve been letting her run the production long enough that she now considers your house a set piece for her creativity.
Let me translate what’s happening here: She doesn’t see your home as your space—she sees it as an extension of herself, and her “fixing” is just her way of saying, I disapprove and need to fix you, but instead of discussing it like an adult, I’ll just rearrange your life.
Now, about your spouse. I like him already. He’s not asking if a boundary should be set—he’s just asking who gets to deliver the smackdown. And sweetheart, if you let him do it, don’t be surprised when your mother calls every relative within a 200-mile radius to report that she was “verbally assaulted” for simply helping her “poor, struggling child” avoid the disgrace of mismatched dish towels.
So, here’s how you handle this without turning Thanksgiving into a standoff:
1. The Preemptive Strike
Next time she so much as looks at a throw pillow, stop her in her tracks:
📌 “Mom, I appreciate your help, but this is my house. No more surprise renovations, okay?”
Say it with a smile—like you’re talking to a toddler about why we don’t color on the walls.
2. The Counter-Move
If she ignores you and does it anyway, don’t undo it—replace it dramatically. She buys you a new shower curtain? Go out and buy an even louder one. Hang it up before she visits again. When she inevitably gasps in horror, just say:
📌 “Oh, I saw your change and felt so inspired! But then I thought… why stop there?”
Then sit back and watch her twitch.
3. The Spouse Deployment Plan
If you must let your spouse take this on, make it clear: polite but firm. No WWE SmackDown speeches. Something like:
📌 “Mom, we love having you over, but Hostage and I like our home the way it is. No more redecorating, okay?”
If she protests, he follows up with:
📌 “It’s not up for discussion.”
Then, change the subject. If she brings it up again, he repeats it word for word. This method is called The Brick Wall, and it’s highly effective against meddling mothers.
4. The “Consequences” Clause
If she still won’t stop, hit her where it hurts:
📌 “Mom, if you can’t respect our space, we’ll need to start meeting at your house instead.”
She’ll either comply or suddenly be too busy to visit. Either way, problem solved.
Final Thoughts
You’re not a hostage, sweetheart—you’re the homeowner. Act like it. The sooner you take control, the sooner your mother will learn that your house is not her playground.
And if she insists on continuing her unsolicited “improvements,” tell her she can start a GoFundMe for all the people who actually want her help.
You’re welcome.