Dear Miss Edna,
I told my girlfriend a tiny little white lie about who I was with the other night. She asked, and I panicked, so I told her I was home watching TV. Turns out, she ran into my buddy’s girlfriend, who mentioned we were all out together. Now my girlfriend is acting like I committed a federal crime. I keep telling her it was no big deal—I wasn’t doing anything wrong! It was just easier to say I was home so she wouldn’t ask a million questions. I don’t get why she’s so upset over something so minor. How do I get her to stop making a big deal out of nothing?”
— Honest (Mostly) Mistake
Miss Edna’s Response:
Dear Pinocchio,
Oh, sweetheart, you didn’t just lie—you double-dipped in the stupidity jar and licked your fingers clean. And now, you want to know why your girlfriend is gasp holding you accountable?
Let me break it down for you: you had two choices when she asked where you were.
📌 Option A: Tell the truth like a grown man.
📌 Option B: Lie like a toddler with crumbs on his face, then be shocked when you get caught.
Guess which one you picked?
And let’s talk about your excuse: “It was just easier.” Oh, bless your delusional little heart. Lying wasn’t easier—it was dumber. You weren’t doing anything wrong? Then why lie? If she’s asking “a million questions,” it’s probably because she already doesn’t trust your vague, tap-dancing-around-the-truth answers.
And now, instead of owning your mistake, you’re out here trying to convince her she’s overreacting? No, sir. The only overreaction here is your shock that actions have consequences.
So, what do you do now?
📌 Step 1: Stop calling it “nothing.” It was something—because you made it something.
📌 Step 2: Apologize. And I mean an actual apology, not that “I’m sorry you feel that way” nonsense that makes women want to throw furniture.
📌 Step 3: Accept that trust is like a bank account. You just overdrafted, buddy. You don’t get to tell her when the balance is back to normal.
📌 Step 4: If you ever feel tempted to lie again, go splash some cold water on your face, sit down, and remind yourself that you are a grown adult, not a shady car salesman.
And a final note: If she does eventually forgive you, don’t get cocky. Trust isn’t a one-time investment—it’s a subscription service. Keep lying, and your membership will be permanently canceled.