Letter to Miss Edna:
Dear Miss Edna,
I have a question, and I need an honest answer: At what point am I allowed to stop being the “bigger person” and start holding people accountable? Because if one more person tells me to “take the high road,” I might just throw myself off it.
Take my sister, for example. She borrows money, swears on her “good name” she’ll pay it back, and then—poof—suddenly has amnesia the moment the subject comes up. But the second I hesitate to lend her more? My mother hits me with the whole “Come on, be the bigger person—family helps family!” Sure, Mom, but when does family start helping ME?
Or let’s talk about my coworker. She’s got the work ethic of a houseplant but somehow manages to pop up just in time to take credit for my ideas. I finally spoke up in a meeting last week, and my boss had the audacity to say, “It’s not worth the fight. Just take the high road.” Oh, I’m sorry—who’s fighting? I didn’t realize asking for basic acknowledgment was the same as declaring war.
And then there’s my so-called “friend” who ghosted me for weeks, but the moment she needed something, guess who she called? That’s right—yours truly. When I pointed out that she only remembers I exist when she’s in a crisis, she laughed and said, “Come on, don’t be petty—be the bigger person.”
Miss Edna, I’m exhausted. I am so tired of the high road. Meanwhile, these people are living rent-free in the gutters of selfishness, throwing parties and inviting me to bring the snacks. I want to know—where is the line? When is it okay to stop being the “bigger person” and start telling people to grow up?
Sincerely,
Tired of Towering Over Fools
Miss Edna’s Response:
Oh, sweetheart, I hate to break it to you, but these people don’t want you to be the bigger person. They want you to be the silent person. The compliant person. The easier-to-manipulate person.
Your sister? She doesn’t “forget” to pay you back—she remembers you’re too nice to push the issue. And your mother? Well, she’s not wrong about “family helping family.” The only problem is, she seems to think you’re the family’s personal ATM.
Your coworker? That’s not an accident, honey. That’s a business strategy. She does nothing, collects the credit, and knows you’ll sit there nodding politely while she gets away with it. And your boss? They don’t want peace—they just don’t want to deal with it. So instead, they shove you onto the “high road” and hope you’ll shut up and take the loss.
And your friend? Oh, honey. Let’s just call her what she is: a part-time acquaintance with full-time audacity.
So let me tell you something real simple: Sometimes, the bigger person needs to stop holding up all the dead weight.
- ✅ Your sister keeps “forgetting” to pay you back? Cool. Next time she asks for money, tell her you forgot how to open your wallet.
- ✅ Your coworker loves taking credit for your work? Start forwarding emails to your boss before meetings with a little note that says, “Just wanted to document this before we discuss it later.”
- ✅ Your boss wants you to “take the high road”? Sure! But make sure you’re walking straight into a new job interview.
- ✅ Your friend only calls when she needs something? Next time, tell her, “Oh, I’d love to help, but I’m busy being petty today.”
Being kind doesn’t mean being a doormat. The high road is a lovely place, but at some point, you have to pull over, let the freeloaders off, and drive yourself somewhere better.
So no, you don’t have to be the bigger person all the time. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let the small-minded folks wade through their own mess while you take your dignity and walk away.
Now go forth and set some boundaries, sweetheart. And if someone tells you to “be the bigger person,” just smile and say, “I think I’ll let someone else have a turn.”
— Miss Edna, who is done watching nice people get trampled by freeloaders