Dear Miss Edna,
I need your wisdom because, quite frankly, I’m baffled. I have spent the last year doing everything I can to be a good neighbor to Carol (name changed for privacy, of course). When I first moved into the neighborhood, I noticed her yard was a little… well, let’s just say, unkempt. Weeds poking through the sidewalk, flower beds looking more like dirt beds, and the grass? Well, it was more “wild prairie” than “suburban lawn.” I assumed she was just overwhelmed, so I took it upon myself to help.
I started small—pulling a few weeds here and there when I was outside tending my own garden. Then, I thought, why stop there? So, I mowed her front lawn. She never asked, but I figured it was a nice surprise.
Then there’s her dog. A sweet thing, but I noticed its coat wasn’t brushed as often as I would brush it if it were my dog. I started keeping a bag of organic, grain-free, hand-baked treats in my pocket whenever I saw it outside. And, yes, I even brushed it a few times because someone has to take care of the poor thing (not that Carol doesn’t feed it or let it inside, but you know, still).
But my kindness didn’t stop there, Miss Edna. I noticed she and her family ate takeout several nights a week—several!—and I just couldn’t stand the thought of her children not getting real home-cooked meals. So I started bringing over extra food. A casserole here, a slow cooker meal there, a freshly baked loaf of bread I “accidentally” made too much of. She always took the food, but never once did she return the dish with a thank-you note inside.
Then, last week, I noticed something truly alarming. Her kitchen looked a little cluttered. Nothing filthy, mind you, but let’s just say, I would never let my counters look like that. So while I was dropping off yet another thoughtful meal, I took the liberty of wiping things down, tidying a few piles, and even organizing the snack cabinet. (She has kids, so I thought it would be helpful to have the snacks in easy reach for them.)
And would you believe it, Miss Edna? Instead of thanking me, she’s been distant ever since! No more friendly waves when I walk by. No more small talk at the mailbox. It’s almost like she’s mad at me! I don’t understand. I was just helping! Should I apologize for being too kind?
Sincerely,
–Trying to Be a Good Neighbor
Miss Edna’s Response
Dear Trying to Be a Good Neighbor, (ask yourself, are you really?
Oh, honey. Sit down. No, really. Find a chair. I don’t want you to pull a muscle from all that stretching you’ve been doing to pat yourself on the back.
You’re not a “good neighbor.” You’re a well-intentioned, overbearing tornado of unsolicited charity. You have mistaken control for kindness, superiority for generosity, and interference for help.
Let’s go step by step, shall we?
1️⃣ Her yard? She didn’t ask you to mow it. Maybe she likes the wild look. Maybe she has allergies. Maybe she’s been too busy living her life to worry about impressing the neighborhood HOA committee that exists in your head.
2️⃣ Her dog? It is not your dog. You admit she feeds it, keeps it inside and—news flash—dogs survive without artisanal hand-baked treats and surprise spa days. If she wanted a professional groomer, she’d hire one. But she didn’t. She just got you and your sneaky little brush.
3️⃣ Her food choices? Honey, you have officially crossed into food police territory. Just because you believe in the Church of Homemade Casseroles doesn’t mean she needs to be baptized into it. You thought you were nourishing her family, but what you were actually doing was implying that she’s failing them.
4️⃣ Her kitchen? You walked into a woman’s house—UNINVITED—and started wiping things down? Organizing her cabinets? Sweetheart, that’s not “helping.” That’s a home invasion with Lysol wipes. You might as well have left a little sticky note that said, “You live like an animal.”
Now, I’m going to assume you mean well. I’ll even give you the benefit of the doubt and say you genuinely believe you’re just being kind. But kindness is not about doing what makes YOU feel good. It’s about respecting people enough to let them live their own lives.
Carol has likely spent the last year trying to figure out how to get you to back off without causing an all-out neighborhood war. And after your little unannounced deep-cleaning stunt, she’s decided the best strategy is to quietly distance herself and hope you take the hint.
🚨And here you are, still missing it..🚨
(these steps yes are big and bold letters cause I have a feeling you will miss it regardless…giving you all the help I can sugar)
So let me spell it out for you:
✅Carol doesn’t need you.
✅Carol didn’t ask for your help.
✅Carol wants you to mind your own business.
The only thing you should be dropping off at her house is a sincere apology. But don’t be surprised if she still doesn’t invite you in. She’s probably busy putting a new lock on the door.